Zombie Month: Return of the Living Dead

Not only am I doing this for "Zombie Month" but I'm also taking care of a movie on my bucket list. Hey, did you know I have another blog called "Jason's Movie Bucket List" where I have a list of 100 movies that everyone keeps telling me I need to see, so I plan on going through each one and writing about not only the movie but what it's like to finally see it and if it was worth the wait? Yeah, that was a run on question, sue me.

Anyway. Killing two birds with one stone.

In the latest episode of "The Lair of the Unwanted" Nick told us that he doesn't like this movie because all zombies do is say brains and can run fast. This goes against everything he stands for, zombie wise, and thinks it's a disgrace to movie history.

Well I say bully on him because this movie is fucking awesome.

The story is two dudes who work in a medical supply store, Freddy and Frank, go into the basement, where some containers of petrified zombies are stored. They stupidly break one of the containers, causing all this gas to blow into their face, and releasing one of the zombies.

The gas goes through the warehouse, causing dead things to come to life. They call their boss Burt (Clu Gulager) to take care of the situation. One cadaver in the freezer comes to life and attacks them. Remembering "Night of the Living Dead", they tempt to kill the brain...except that don't work!

Not knowing what else to do, they cut it up into pieces and take it to the crematorium next door. Ernie, the coroner, agrees to help burn the pieces. This is where shit gets interesting. The body is burnt, causing smoke to go up through a chimney into the air. The smoke is then mixed with the rain, which comes back down and lands...in a cemetery. Where Freddy's friends are waiting.

Freddy's friends are chillin', waiting for Freddy to get off of work. Oh, hey, LAMBCast favorite Linnea Quigley is here...and of course she gets naked. Why WOULDN'T you love this movie? So they're in the cemetery when the zombie rise up and attack, screaming for "brains".

At the supply warehouse, the zombie in the container appears, also screaming for "brains" and attacking a girl. At the mortuary, Frank and Freddy are getting sick. Ernie calls for an ambulance and when they show up, the result is...they're dead. And soare the paramedics, cause they get chomped by zombies.

Soon, the mortuary is being attacked by zombies, waiting brains. Ernie wants to know why so he grabs a zombie, ties it down, and then asks it why it wants brains. Turns out cause being dead sucks and brains makes them forget they're dead. Makes sense.

Freddy becomes a zombie, trying to attack his girlfriend. Most of Freddy's friends have become zombie chow, including Linnea Quigley. Damn. So if shooting them, or doing anything to them really, won't stop them, what will? On the container is a phone number. They call it and get in touch with the army. The army apparently lost these containers years ago and are happy to have found them. And they got a plan alright: BLOW THE FUCKERS TO BITS!

Of course the smoke of the remains goes up into the sky and it starts raining again...uh oh!

So I disagree with Nick on this one. I think they were just taking the zombie concept and rewriting it. I don't have a problem with fast zombies or zombies that talk. They're zombies. They still eat people. Plus fucking Linnea Quigly. I mean COME ON! This is a fun movie, probably more fun watching it with people. I recommend it. And if you don't listen to me, then there's no point in listening to anybody at all.

-Jason