Friday, October 01, 2010

The Soto List: Top 10 Satan/Devil Movies

I haven't done a list in forever. But I was looking at my post count and I saw that fuckin' A, man, this is post 666. Mu ha ha ha!! \m/

So I think this is a good time to tick off some movies involving the devil and Satan in some way shape or form. If you're a holy person, you should probably fuck off for this one post. Then go back to pouring holy water at your computer screen tomorrow.

10. Santa Claus-In this late 50's movie from Mexico, Satan sends one of his devils Pitch to Earth to put a stop to and/or kill Santa Claus. That is seriously the plot of this movie. We did a Mass Invasion of it a few Christmases ago.

9. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey-In this sequel, Bill and Ted totally die and in one of the most interesting filmed scenes I've seen, they end up in Hell and meet the BIG Red Guy himself. He isn't too impressed with them so he sends them to their own personal hells.

8. Tenacious D In The Pick of Destiny-I don't care, I fuckin' love this movie! The rock duo Tenacious D goes on a quest to find a guitar pick that's made from Satan's horn. At the end of the movie Satan appears to do battle. It's a great scene and a very underrated movie.

7. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut-Since we're in the comedy realm, the animated musical movie of "South Park" features Satan getting fucked by Saddam Hussien, then eventually trying to return to Earth. To think, a song from this movie got nominated for an Oscar.

6. Oh God! You Devil-I haven't seen this movie in FOREVER. All I remember is some musican sells his soul to the Devil (George Burns) to be famous and he gets his wish. But soon he regrets it so he needs help from God (Also George Burns). I know it's a sequel to Oh God! with John Denver and I'll need to see it again soon to refresh my memory. But as a kid, I loved this movie. That probably says a lot about me as a kid.

5. Little Nicky-To round out the comedies, Adam Sandler is Nicky, the son of the Devil (Harvey Keitel). Nicky's older, meaner brothers want to take over Earth and it's up to Nicky to stop them. The movie isn't as great as Sandler's other films, but I enjoy it on a guilty pleasure level.

4. Constantine-I only seen this movie once, so I'll need to see it again to get a feel on what I thought of it. But Fuckin' Peter Stormare is the Devil? That's motherfucking great casting right there.

3. Devil-I liked this movie. And apparently I'm the biggest dumbass on the planet cause I seem to be the only one who was surprised on who in this movie was the Devil. I won't spoil it here but I'll say this: the person they hinted at in the trailer is NOT it.

2. Rosemary's Baby-A building full of Satan worshippers drug a chick so Satan can come to Earth to bone her with his surely 80 inch cock and proceeds to knock her up. This movie is the very definition for a slow-burn movie.

1. The Exorcist-The fuckin' king of all Satan movies. Now, people are probably gonna call me on this cause TECHICALLY Satan didn't possess Regan, it was a demon named Pszuzu or what the fuck ever. But if you ignore the shit-tastic sequel and just go by the first movie, they say it's the actual Devil. Plus this movie is pretty much the only movie in existance that scares the shit out of me. So there's that.

Looking at some lists about the Devil/Satan in movies, I was baffled by a few. Like "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects". Those movies don't even have Satan. They have a dude NAMED Dr. Satan but it's not Satan. Or I REALLY didn't understand those movies.

Also "A Haunting in Connecticut" was listed, which I saw recently and I don't recall Satan showing up in that movie. It was about dead people, ghosts, and kids that look like Robert Patterson or whatever his name is. There's also "The Omen" but it's really more about Satan's SON. Satan doesn't appear. Again, unless I REALLY didn't understand it.

For real Honorable Mentions, I'll include End of Days cause it's Arnold vs Satan but I only seen it once and I wasn't too thrilled with it so whatever. Also "Needful Things" which is a better story than movie. I know I need to see "Legend". Oh and of course "The Devil's Advocate". Al Pacino "Hoo-HA!"ing as the devil? Awesome.

Ok there ya go. 666. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria! AHH!!

PS: Sidenote and I'm not kidding here, when I went to edit this post, all kinds of weird shit kept happening. My photo editor wouldn't open. Things kept popping up. Weird, man.

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