Acclaimed director of "Friday the 13th Part 2" and "Friday the 13th Part 3-IN 3-D!" Steve Miner must've looked at Zach Snyder's "Dawn of the Dead" and said "Boy, I'd love to update a George Romero movie. But the two best ones have been taken! Oh well, I'll settle on the not-as-good third movie."
Thus, a remake of "Day of the Dead" is born.
Now, we all know my thoughts on the original (if it has a Facebook page, I will NOT click "Like This") so I was a bit hesitant to take on this remake. But then I saw the cast. You know who's in this remake?
Ving Rhames!
Mena Suvari!
And...NICK CANNON?!?!
The fuck is Nick Cannon doing here?? Ugh.
Alright, so, this starts off with some people in a small city in Colorado (Not South Park) experiencing flu-like symptoms. The military steps in to blockade any exits out of the city to prevent it from spreading. Ving Rhames is Captain Rhodes and I was happy. Maybe THIS Captain Rhodes won't be an annoying asshole. And I was right. Ving always plays a cool badass who doesn't have to overact to prove his point. Here, he was just Ving Rhames and I was kinda digging it.
Mena is Sarah, a corporal in the army. She meets a new recurit named Bud, who has a crush on her. Hm...the Bud in the original story was a zombie with an army past. Things don't look good for this Bud.
Meanwhile, in a shack in the woods, a group of teenagers are making out. Trevor, Sarah's brother, is stuck with the ice princess Nina. The other two don't really matter, they become zombie chow. Trevor and Nina head back to Trevor's place, where his mom is at, sick.
I have no reason to put this here. I just like it.So in this movie, if you're sick, you're gonna be a zombie. A bunch of sick people want to leave the city but Rhodes won't let them. So they head back to the understaffed medical center. When Trevor and Sarah's mom gets really sick, they head there as well.
What I love about this movie is pretty much everyone who's sick turn into zombies right at the same time. They all just stop, stare for five minutes, then they decompose and soon attack. This was pretty awesome.
This movie's "Frankenstein" Dr. Logan is a fucking prick. He just kinda hangs back, then he throws a chick at a zombie and drives off. Asshole.
Speaking of assholes, Nick Cannon. Yes, Nick Cannon is an asshole. I know he probably Googles himself all the time and I hope he finds this. NICK CANNON IS AN ASSHOLE!!
Captain Rhodes is eaten pretty early on, which surprised me, so all the asshole parts had to go to Nick there. With everyone trapped in the medical center, Nick just grabs guns and wants to shoot everyone, including zombified Rhodes. He doesn't take orders from Sarah (I guess cause SHE'S A GIRL) and when he puts a big knife at the end of a pole, Bud says "Nice spear" and NIck goes on and on about Bud being a racist.
Oh, Bud. So he gets bitten by Rhodes before Nick shoots him and he wants to shoot Bud. Sarah pours bleach on the bite. Bleach: Stock up on it when the zombies attack! Wanna bet that this doesn't work? Well, don't take that bet. I already seen this movie.
Sarah decides to take Rhodes' truck so they run out into the parking lot, fighting zombies. Trevor and Nina left the medical center and ended up at a radio station, which is being run by Jabba The DJ. Also at the station is a couple, but the wife isn't feeling very good. Uh oh.
Sarah and Nick (Why couldn't he have died earlier?) go to a gun store to stock up on weapons. Bud, while waiting in the truck, is zombified. But he doesn't attack cause...he's a vegetarian! Are you fucking kidding me? Is that how zombieism work? Well, Bud is just kinda chillin' there, still crushin' on Sarah. Nick remains to be an annoying asshole.
Sarah hears Trevor on the radio, calling for help after the DJ is turned into a zombie and she heads over to the station. Soon, the sick lady turns and eats her husband but Sarah and Nick turn her into zombie swiss cheese. They pack up into the truck and drive off.
They go to the shack from earlier but it doesn't hold up against zombies too well, so they find some secret passage way into the ground. Ah, see where they're going with this? In the underground lab, they find Logan, destroying evidence. Apparently, he knew way more than he let on.
Turns out he and a group of scientists made this strain of virus that was suppose to be used to capture criminals without killing them. It mutated and now...zombies. Which, most of the lab people are now. Logan is munched on and for some reason they can't go back out the way they came in (never explained) so they must look for a missile silo to crawl out of. But a buttload of zombies are in the way.
So Trevor and Sarah come up with a plan. They tie some gas tanks together and have the zombies stand in front of them so they'll get roasted. Bud sacrifies his zombie life in stopping one of them from eating Sarah before the plan actually works. THANKFULLY, Nick gets eaten. I think I cheered. My neighbors must shake their heads everytime they hear me through the walls.
They leave the underground bunker and drive away. A helpful news person tells us the outbreak is under control...OR IS IT?!?!?!
Well, I don't know what a sequel to this would be so, sure it is.
So I like this about as much as the original, but for all the different reasons. It moved a bit faster. At least ONLY Nick Cannon was the annoying person in this movie. Mena Suvari is nice to look at. And I liked Bud as a human. I think he and Sarah would've made a nice couple. This movie still sucks though.
-Jason
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