Sunday, October 03, 2010

Zombie Month: Survival of the Dead

What's worse than a bad zombie movie? A bad BORING zombie movie. Ugh. "George A. Romero's Survival of the Dead" is a bad boring zombie movie. So bad that I'm not gonna spend too much time talking about it.

There's a guy I didn't talk about in "Diary of the Dead" who stopped the students in the RV. He was a National Guard and he pretty much stole all the supplies they got from the black militants. Well, "Survival" focuses on that guy. His name is Sarge. He was in the National Guard when the zombie outbreak started. He decided he had enough of that shit and went AWOL. After stealing the kids supplies (we revisit this footage), it's now 6 days later.

On Plum Island off of Delaware, a whole shitload of Irish people are dealing with the zombies. One dude named Patrick wants to kill the zombies but another dude named Seamus wants to keep them around. This disagreement, plus the fact that Seamus has more guns, causes Seamus to exhile Patrick onto the mainland. Some people go with him but some of his posse stay behind, including his daughter Jenny.

Flashforward to six weeks later. Sarge and what's left of his AWOL team: Baldy, Tomboy (A lesbian chick), and Cisco, a mexican, are roaming around. They find some hillbillies hunting zombies and they soon take care of the hillbillies and the zombies. They come across The Kid, a kid, and he tags along.

After finding an armor truck full of money, they drive away. Kid finds a video from Patrick telling them to visit him at the Harbor and he'll send them to Plum Island. Turns out this is just a way for Patrick to rob unsuspecting people trying to escape from the zombies. He sends them to the Island still, but without any valuables.

Sarge is like "Fuck that" and he fights back. After some explosions, Patrick is left and he gets on the Ferry going to Plum Island. They arrive and find most of the islanders are zombies chained up to farm equipment and mailboxes. Patrick's daughter is dead and she spends her dead days riding a horse.

Ok, yada yada yada, Cisco drank zombie blood and Tomboy kills him. Seamus and his men capture Tomboy. Patrick rounds up his former posse. And it basically turns into "The Irish Version of the Hatfields and the McCoys with Zombies". There's been a fued between Seamus and Patrick for years and this zombie crap isn't helping any.

Seamus is trying to get the zombies to eat something besides humans but it's not working. Seamus is kind of a dick, keeping his zombie wife chained to the kitchen. The odd thing is, much of the movie they want us to be unsure who is right, Patrick or Seamus. But Seamus is clearly the bad guy, what with his big black cowboy hat and chaining his wife to the kitchen. I dunno, I was falling asleep.

Ok so, Sarge and what's left of his team (Baldy got shot), team up with Patrick and there's a shootout. Seamus releases all the zombies he's captured and a full out zombie war breaks out. Soon enough, both Seamus and Patrick end up dead. Jenny is shot after she makes a breakthrough: zombies WILL eat horses. I guess they were that hungry.

Sarge, Tomboy, and Kid get back on the ferry and leave with the money. Now Seamus and Patrick are zombies dueling it out forever and ever. Ugh. It's over with.

I'm sorry, this just sucked. This is WAY worse than "Diary of the Dead". I couldn't maintain any interest and I just didn't care. I kinda wanted Tomboy to turn straight but that wasn't happening. Oh well. Avoid this one at all costs.


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