Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Freddy's Coming For You! Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

This is the sequel I remember the most. When it came out on video (Yes, people younger than me, not DVD, but VIDEO. Wrap that around your Justin Bieber minds) I bought it instantly and watched the everloving fuck out of it. I quoted this movie all crazy style. I wasn't lucky enough to see it in theaters to experience the 3-D effect or get the glasses. Oh well.

The story starts supposedly 10 years "later". The town of Springwood, where the Freddy stuff happened, pretty much ran out of kids and are hell bent on keeping it that way. There is one remaining teenager and he's on a plane. He's nervous about flying and soon his fears are valid as the plane rips apart.

But the kid wakes up in his bed and as he looks out the window he finds he's in a Wizard of Oz parody, with Freddy as the Wicked Witch. The house crash lands by NANCY'S house. (IT'S NOT FREDDY'S HOUSE! IT WAS NEVER SAID IN THE FIRST MOVIE IT WAS FREDDY'S HOUSE!!!) Before the kid can go into the house, he jumps the fence and rolls down the longest hill ever.

At the bottom, he finds a road and a creepy ticket taker for a bus. The bus shows up and hits the kid, with Freddy as the driver. Freddy makes several bus puns until he stops the bus and the kid goes flying across the Springwood border. Freddy tells the kid to bring him more kids.

The kid wakes up and finds he has amnesia. He roams the nearby town of Nameless-ville until some cops pick him up cause he looks like a crackhead. The cops take him to a teen shelter where some messed up kids are living. They either are orphaned, were abused, or just have shitty parents. We meet Tracy, Carlos, and Spencer. Spencer is played by Brecken Meyers, who is now known for being Seth Green's friend. These three kids are walking stereotypes. Spencer is the stoner, Tracy is the tough as nails chick, and Carlos is the reasonable one, with a hearing problem.

The three of them want to escape so they come up with a plan...

The kid shows up and is given to Maggie, one of the psycologist at the shelter. The kid, who is now named John (as in John Doe), doesn't remember anything but knows he needs to stay awake or else he'll die. After a scene showing Maggie talking to Doc, who is a "dream expert" so we know he's there, Maggie decides to take John to Springwood to see if they can figure out who he is.

They take a van and on the way, John falls asleep and dreams of a little girl in the middle of the road. He grabs at the steering wheel and soon the three stereotypes all spill out. Uh oh! Somebody's escape got ruined.

They continue on to Springwood, where all the old townspeople freak out at the sight of teenagers. One of the old townspeople? Tom and Roseanne Arnold. I swear to God.

John and Maggie go to the high school where they find a crazy teacher teaching Freddy history. He reveals that Freddy had...a kid! Wow. That actually makes sense in a way. I mean the only thing we knew about Freddy was he was a child molester and he was burnt for doing so. We didn't think about the fact he might've had a chick or kids or anything.

Armed with this knowledge, John thinks he's Freddy's kid and that's why he's alive. The three sterotypes took the van to go back to the shelter but they find themselves going 'round in circles, goin' 'round in circles. This happens until they come across NANCY'S HOUSE (Dammit) and decide to stay the night there.

Carlos falls asleep first and dreams about his Mom poking his brain out with a giant Q-Tip, which I guess is how he lost his hearing? I dunno. Anyway, Freddy appears and cuts the ear with the hearing aid in it so he's deaf. There's a funny 2-minute scene of Freddy creeping up behind Carlos, trying to be quiet, then trying to call him. At least I found it funny.

Eventually, Freddy gives him his hearing aid back but now it's super amplified where even a pin dropping causes Carlos' head to explode. Speaking of, Freddy appears with a chalkboard and runs his glove across it, literally exploding Carlos' head.

Spencer is in the living room, toking it up and watching a busted TV. Tracy can't find Carlos so she goes out looking for him. Spencer passes out dreams about Johnny Depp giving a "this is your brain" commercial. But Freddy hits him with a frying pan and soon a super awesome trip scene happens, with "Inna-Godda-Da-Vida" playing.

But that soon ends and Spencer finds himself in a video game, being controled by Freddy. This part is a bit silly. Tracy finds Maggie and John at the Orphanage, which is run by a crazy lady. Tracy takes them back to the house to find Spencer jumping up and down like Mario. John says he has to go to sleep to stop Freddy so he and Tracy do and manage to stop Freddy. But Freddy makes a "Power Glove" joke and finally kills Spencer. Tracy is waken up by Maggie but John's still asleep.

John has the house flying dream again and he falls out of the house. As he's falling a parachute opens but Freddy appears, lets him know he's not his son, and cuts his chute. John falls as Freddy pushes a bed of nails on the road for him to land on. With John dead, and them outside Springwood finally, Freddy inhabits Maggie's mind or something and they go back to the shelter.

When they get back, they find themselves in some alternate world where John or Carlos never existed. Doc remembers them cause he doesn't get played by dreams. I never understood this part of the movie, but whatever. Maggie remembers John's last words "It's not a boy" and realizes it could only mean one thing...

Maggie is Freddy's daughter. GASP!!!

Tracy falls asleep and dreams about her father...and holy shit!

Ok I haven't gotten to this movie yet, but there's a movie called "Sorority House Massacre 2: Nighty-Nightmare" (Real title, I swear) and in it, there's a character named Orville Ketchup. And Tracy's Father is played by Orville Ketchup! HOLY SHIT!!!!

Ok, sorry about that. Let's keep going.

So Orville Ketchup is a creepy guy and pretty much fucks Tracy I guess, but Tracy ain't gonna take it no more and fights back. Orville turns into Freddy but she burns herself on the oven to wake herself up. She goes looking for Doc.

Doc is having a dream of his own. Freddy appears and tells him he can never die because the Dream Demons said he can live forever and this is how he invades people's dreams. Doc wakes up, holding a piece of Freddy's sweater. Armed with the knowledge that they can bring Freddy into the real world (as previously shown in the first movie), they set it up so Maggie goes to sleep and tries to bring Freddy out.


Maggie falls asleep and finds herself going into Freddy's memories. We see him as a kid, killing a hampster. Then as a teenager getting beaten by Alice Cooper. Then we see him as an adult, killing Maggie's Mom because she found out that Freddy was killing all the kids. All this while random crap flies out at us.

Soon, the present day Freddy shows up and Maggie grabs a hold of him. Doc wakes her up but Freddy isn't in the room with her. They go into the basement to get this arsonal of weapons and they find Freddy, sans being burnt to a crisp, down there. Freddy wants forgiveness but Maggie doesn't fall for it and proceeds to kick his ass. Now that Freddy is in the real world, he can get hurt. Maggie sticks him with all kinds of knives and shit, sticking him to the wall. Maggie takes Freddy's glove and tries it on. Then stabs him in the gut with it. Then for good measure, they stick a pipe bomb in him and soon enough it's bye-bye Freddy.


Maggie says "Freddy's Dead" and sure enough...he is...for now. We get a lighthearted romp through the past 6 movies, sort of a Freddy's Greatest Hits, until it rests on a Memoriam of Freddy. Ok, now it's over...except we got two more movies to go, but whatever.

I still stand by what I said. Part 2 is the worst. I can't help it. I like this one. Yeah it's silly, and it's One-Liner Freddy and it's not scary and it's kinds stupid in parts, but I love stupid shit. It's a guilty pleasure, I guess. Plus it's part of my childhood. My old ass needs something to hold onto, ok?


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