Monday, April 26, 2010

Freddy's Coming For You! Nightmare on Elm St. Part 5: Dream Child

Y'know, we had "Dream Warriors" "Dream Master" and now "Dream Child". If they were to continue in this vein, what would've been next? "Dream Scape"? "Dream Cast"? "Dream A Little Dream?" "DREAM ON!! DREAM ON!!! SING WITH IT SING FOR A YEAR!!!!"

Anyway. I have now just watched five Freddy movies. Am I any crazier? Nah. And yes, Part 2 is STILL the worst one, I don't care how many defenders show up out of nowhere and say otherwise.

The beginning of "5" starts with Dan and Alice from the last movie humpin'. It's during these credits that I noticed Wes Craven just about gave up on this series. I guess this was his "Cashin' the checks" phase. The humpin' is over and Alice takes a shower. We kinda get to see some Alice boobage but it's hidden behind the type of shower glass I only see in movies.

But soon, the shower turns on Alice and pretty sure it fills up. Alice breaks the glass and she lands in a dirty place. The place is NOT the boiler room, but the mental institution Freddy was concieved in. Alice seemed to Quantum Leap into the body of Amanda Krueger, and Ziggy says she has a 97% chance of getting ganged raped up the wazoo.

Thankfully, Alice wakes up and we get a quick Freddy Make-up-less Robert Englund in bed with Alice before he vanishes. We then learn that Alice and her NEW set of friends are graduating high school. She and Dan are gonna spend the summer in Europe, much to the chagrin of both set of parents.

The new set of friends consist of Greta, who's Mom is an annoying bitch and thinks Greta should be a model; Mark, who's super into comic books; and Yvonne, the BBF to Alice who not only is a good swimmer but is a nurse or something. And if you watched your fair share of 1980's teen movies, you'd know Yvonne from "Summer School" and "The Lost Boys".

Anyway, Alice is walking to work when suddenly she has a wide awake nightmare. She finds herself at the institution and watches Amanda Krueger give birth to Freddy. Baby Freddy is ugly as fuck and it gets free and escapes. Oh great, now it's "It's Alive".

Alice follows the baby to the church setting she defeated Freddy in the last movie and the baby is then reborn into Freddy. Alice is upset at this and soon she finds herself back in the real world, four hours late for work. She calls Dan, who's partying with the other friends, and begs Dan to come to the diner. Dan agrees to do so.

On the way, the car Dan is driving turns on him and soon Freddy is in the passenger seat with his own steering wheel. Freddy steers the car into a truck, but Dan survives. Dan finds a motorcycle and gets on. He's speeding like any douche on a motorcycle would (Sorry biker pals) when Freddy also take over the bike and causes Dan to crash, killing him in real life.

Dan was inconsiderate enough to die right in front of the diner, so Alice saw this happen. She wakes up in the hospital where she learns she's pregnant with Dan's child. Alice then spends the next 30 minutes asking "How can Freddy come after Dan if I'm awake?" and I spent the next 30 minutes shouting "Freddy's using the baby to dream".

But this reveal has to build slowly, so in the meantime, we spend some time with Greta. She has a creepy doll collection all around her room and her Mom is still a bitch. During a dinner party, Greta maybe falls asleep and soon Freddy is a +1 for dinner.

He straps Greta into her chair and force feeds her until she chokes and dies. Alice sees this happening from her house (BECAUSE THE BABY IS DREAMING IT!) and now Greta is dead. Since Mark was in love with Greta, he's all sorts of upset. Alice tells him and Yvonne it's Freddy but only Mark believes her. Yvonne acts like a total bitch in her non-believer-ness. (SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!...ugh I made a Charlie the Unicorn reference. I hate that cartoon)

During one of Alice's awake-dreams that her baby is totally having, Amanda Krueger appears telling Alice if she's freeded from her Earth prison, she can stop Freddy. So she needs to find this Earth prison or whatever. The only person to believe Alice is Mark, so she stays over at his place. When she's getting coffee, Mark falls asleep. Alice notices that Mark drew a comic of Nancy's house on Elm Street (IT'S NOT FREDDY'S HOUSE!) so Alice draws a stick figure of herself and helpfully labels it "ALICE". Soon, Alice is in Mark's dream.

And the "Take On Me" jokes can begin NOW!

Not much happens and they both get out alive. To stop Freddy, Alice has to find out where Amanda is kept. While that's happening Yvonne is non-believing at the pool. She falls asleep and soon meets Freddy herself. Yeah, who's a non-believer now. Alice falls asleep and looks for Amanda but finds Yvonne instead. While that happens, Freddy sucks Mark into a comic book and this is one of the cooler scenes in the movie.

And the "Take On Me" jokes can!

The scene is black and white but Mark is color. And everything was PAINTED black and white, including Freddy, so the lack of CGI is impressive here. And it's here you get to see Freddy skateboard. Yes...he's skateboards. Mark realizes he can do anything in his dream so he turns into a comic book hero and destroys Freddy. Of course this doesn't work and Freddy turns Mark into a piece of paper and shreds him. Nice.

Alice and Yvonne wake up. Alice finds Mark dead. Now that Yvonne believes, she's sent to the institution to look for Amanda's body. Oh NOW you know where it's at. Alice falls asleep and decides to stop Freddy once and for all.

Well, it should come to no surprise to you that yes the baby in Alice is dreaming. And Freddy is trying to take control of the baby. The baby is represented in the dream world by a super sad looking kid named Jacob. Alice tricks Freddy to go into the room of the 100 crazy maniacs that gang raped Amanda. They attack Freddy. So...his own fathers ganged raped him? Wow.

Well, this doesn't even stop Freddy. He's still ok and he's trying to poison Jacob's mind. Yvonne find's where Amanda was kept, behind a brick wall. Once the brick wall is broken, Amanda's soul is free and she can now kick Freddy's ass.

Then the movie gets weird. So weird I...can't describe it. I mean Jacob turns into a mini-Freddy. Jacob shoots some light into Freddy. The souls of Greta, Dan, and Mark shoot out of Freddy's back. Freddy turns into the "It's Alive" baby again and crawls back into Amanda's uterus. Jacob crawls into Alice's uterus. Freddy's glove pops out of Amanda's stomach...and that's it.

This...this doesn't look right.

It's nine months later and Jacob is alive and healthy and everyone lives happily ever after. The end.

Well, again, not the worst. Not the best either. The funny thing is, I was allowed to watch this when I was 11. I must've had a cool babysitter. Pretty much my thoughts on this movie is the same as Part 4. I still like Alice. I DON'T think she appears in part 6 but I could be wrong. Guess we'll see.


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