Thursday, April 29, 2010

Freddy's Coming For You! Freddy vs Jason

I contemplated about even including this in this blog-a-thon because I'm also slowly working my way back to you babe through all the Friday the 13th's, so it felt wrong to kinda jumped ahead. But how I looked at it was:
1. I'm at the point in time where it makes sense to review it now.
2. This movie doesn't have anything to do with the Jason timeline. Granted, a lot of the Ft13th movies don't have anything to do with the Jason timeline but this one REALLY doesn't.

So why not? That leaves one less movie I'll have to review later on down the road.

So. "Freddy vs Jason". This movie has been a long time coming. I remember hearing about this in the '90's, which is why one of the movies "Ft13th" movies ended the way it did, and I was fuckin' stoked. I couldn't wait. Then it was in development hell forever. Then finally, in 2003 I got my wish. I was there opening night.

And forgive me, but you all know I like bad stupid movies. I devote my life, a blog, and a website to them. I admit this isn't a good movie. But holy hell is it entertaining. The plot is pretty simple, really.

It's some undetermined amount of time later in Springwood. All the kids have forgotten about Dre Freddy and any that do remember him are given Hypnocil, the drug introduced in Part 3. Now you see why I mentioned it there. Freddy realizes this and needs to bring some fear onto Elm Street again. So he resurrects Jason and tells him, through the voice of Mrs. Vorhees, to go to Elm Street and start killing.

And killing he does. He kills douchebag Blake, who treats his girlfriend like shit, so much so that she's an alcholic at the tender age of 17. I'm guessing Drew Barrymoore was her role model. When they find Blake's body, all the cops think it's Freddy. Lead girl Lori (who has nice tits by the way) doesn't know who that is and is confused.

At the station, Lori has a dream that a girl is warning her about Freddy. Meanwhile, Lori's boyfriend Will and his friend Mark are locked up in an institution and are given Hypnocil. Will sees on the news that something happened at Lori's house and wants to know what happened. So he and Mark break out, pretty easily I might add.

One of Blake's friends (I forget his name...Ted? Alex?) falls asleep outside and dreams about Freddy, but Freddy isn't powerful enough to kill, so when Roger (maybe that's his name) wakes up, Jason is there to kill Steve and his Dad. Poor Carlos.

The next day at school, Lori finds out about Pablo dying as well and Will makes an apperance. Mark tells Lori that the guy she's dreaming about is Freddy, but before he can tell her any information, the cops show up. Will states he was sent to the intitution cause he saw Lori's Dad kill Lori's Mom and her Dad locked him up to shut him up.

Later that night, there's a rave in the cornfield (Freddy vs Jason vs The Children of the Corn, anybody? OUTLANDER!!!!) and Drunk Girl falls asleep and dreams her douchebag boyfriend is there and he leads her to Freddy's boiler room. Freddy stalks her around for a bit. In the real world, a douche raver tries to rape her. And Jason shows up and starts slashing people to bits, including Drunk Girl. This pisses Freddy off, since he's the one that was suppose to kill the kids. Lori, Will, Kelly Rowland (yeah, she's in this too), geek Lenderman, and Teenage Jason Mewes all hightail it in a super sweet van.

They go back to Mark's, who falls asleep. Freddy appears and tells him to pass a message along. Mark refuses to do so, so he dies, while branding the message on Mark's back. So now it's up to this Teen Gang to figure out what to do next. Meanwhile, a cop who's new in town feels left out for not knowing anything about Freddy and decides to get the Teen Gang's help.

The gang decide to get a shitload of hypnocil and take it so they don't dream about Freddy. The only place they know where it's at? The institution. So now they break in (pretty easily, remind me whenever I eventually snap and go crazy to get locked up in this place) to steal the pills. Teenage Jay decides to toke up...which puts him to sleep? I guess. Freddy manages to possess his body, dump out the hypnocil, and decides to take care of Jason by filling his body with tranquilizers.

Jason falls asleep and Freddy enters his dreams and Freddy just pounces on Jason's ass. Freddy soon learns that Jason is scared of water and uses this to his advantage. Lori knows all about pulling Freddy out of the dream and into her car, well van really, and goes under to get Freddy. Freddy, meanwhile, is busy drowning Jason. Before Kelly Rowland can give him mouth-to-mouth, he wakes up, causing the van to crash.

The van ends up at Camp Crystal Lake, where they were going, cause it's like 30 mintues away from Springwood I guess. Lori sees what really happens to her mom in her dream and before Freddy can kill her, she's woken up, bring Freddy with her into the real world, where Jason is ready.

Now it's the epic showdown we waited 15 years to see. And it's an awesome showdown. Lori decides to help Jason by torching the place. Jason cuts off Freddy's arms. It's an epic battle. Soon, the place is about to explode. Freddy pokes out Jason's eyes and they both go flying into the water when everything does explode. Of course Lori and Will are fine. I was glad to see Kelly Rowland get killed, she was annoying. And a horrible actress. Stick to singing.

Freddy comes back and is about to kill Lori when Jason returns, sticks Freddy's glove through Freddy's body, and finally, Lori chops off Freddy's head. NOW the fucker is dead. Jason let's Lori and Will live as he goes back to his watery grave. The end.

PHHHEEEWWW! I know I got one more to do tomorrow on the new movie but that'll be a piece of cake. This was rough, man. As for "Freddy vs Jason" I don't care what anyone says, I fuckin' love this movie. I love that it's horrible. I mean, fuck, I been waiting around for it forever. So, yeah, I don't care. I love it.



Nick said...

Pfft, I love the movie, too... don't worry. The final showdown between Freddy and Jason really is epically awesome.

Butch R said...

This IS a fun good movie. If people don't like it, oh well. Go watch Twilight or something. I like it even more since Jason wins. :)

TJMAC510 said...

yeah i LOVE Freddy vs Jason. It's such an awesome film