Saturday, April 12, 2008

Day 12: Prom Night (2008)

I like watching bad movies in theaters because then I get to see who else besides me watches these things. This being a PG-13 slasher flick (and a remake, sort of, to boot), I already knew who'd be there:

The Dreaded Teenage Girl(s)!

And boy was I right. About 80% of the audience for the 1:30 PM showing was all teenage girls, with some boys in the mix. There was also at least three guys over 20 by themselves (not including myself) and an entire black family, ranging in age from 40 to 7.

And the trailers almost made me forget what movie I was seeing. Usually if you see a horror movie, you get horror movie trailers. Comedy, comedy trailers, and so on. But here, we were all over the place. The "Iron Man" trailer (looks awesome). There's gonna be a "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" sequel. And the only horror trailer I can recall, called "Quanintine", which looks like "Cloverfield" with zombies.

Ok, so the movie. To tell you the truth, I don't think this is suppose to be a remake. Because, besides stuff happening at a prom, the two movies are nothing alike. The plot focuses on a blonde white chick who I'm sure is on some MTV show or something, named Donna who has a stalker on her hands. The stalker is a former teacher at her high school and one night when she gets home, she finds her entire family dead.

We flashforward 3 years and it's the day of the prom. The teacher was put away in a mental institution and Donna lives with her Aunt and Uncle. From this point on, there are so many useless scenes that just show how much of a douche everyone is in California when it comes to prom.

And holy shit what kind of prom is this? There's a red carpet and, I swear to god, the paparazzi was there! I thought maybe they stopped at a movie premire on their way to prom. And of course it won't be a stupid watered down horror movie for teenagers if it didn't have a stupid sub plot that isn't important. This subplot? The black chick wants to win Prom Queen cause the other candidate is a total bitch and it would make her life if she won!

Ok so after literally 10 million little jumps (all of which the teenage girls in the audience screamed), the deranged teacher killer (not a killer who kills know...) shows up and gets a room down the hall from Donna. He kills a maid to get her master key, which I mention to bring up a point later.

One by one, all of Donna's friends show up in her room for one thing or another and the teacher kills them. The stupidest has to be the black chick, cause she runs into him and realizes who he is and tries to warn Donna but he comes chasing after her. So instead of continuing down the stairs, she goes to a room that's being renovated. I have no idea way, but she gets killed. And ironically, she did become prom queen at that moment, so it's like she got to one-up the bitchy chick but she didn't live to see it.

Finally, the teacher finds Donna and starts chasing her. When she locks herself in a room, the teacher busts down the door with a fire extishguisher, instead of USING THE FUCKING MASTER KEY HE STOLE AND BEEN USING THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!! I guess they wanted to rip off "The Shining" really bad or something.

Finally, the detective that was assigned to the case shows up and saves Donna but the teacher goes missing. He managed to sneak out and eventually shows up at Donna's house, killing her boyfriend, who I knew was a goner when he started talking about never leaving her side and all that bullshit.

After a "intense" scene where "we think he's gonna get away with raping and/or killing Donna", the detective shoots the killer multiple times and, well, that's it. No surprise ending, no twist, the killer didn't get back up or anything. Just "BANG BANG BANG!" *Roll Credits*. I almost threw my empty drink at the screen but I was afraid it'd hit a teenager and I'd be sued.

So like I said, this doesn't appear to even be a remake. I think they just happen to come up with a movie named "Prom Night", cause there's no connection. Usually in horrible remakes SOMETHING is the same (I'm not counting the prom thing cause that's just stupid), like an actor or a scene or a reference or something. But we got nothing. Oh wait. We did get a lot of pointless dancing scenes. Maybe that's the connection. How could I be so stupid?


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