Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Day 15: Captivity

(Note: Woo! I am offically half way through 30 Days of Horror! The next 15 days is probably gonna be the hardest, considering what I got planned for Saturday. I'll announce that on Friday.)

I'm guessing this movie didn't do better because it doesn't follow your typical horror movie formula. Usually, there's a victim and a bad guy. The bad guy does fucked up shit to thousands of people and gets away with it until they come across our lead victim. At first bad things happen, but this victim is WAYYY smarter then the other thousand victims and manages to escape, giving the bad guy a run for their money. Eventually, a showdown and a big reveal of who the killer is (usually it's someone this lead victim knew their whole life, or was gonna marry them or something) then the victim kills the bad guy and there's either some twist ending or they all lived happily ever after.

But this one is different in a few ones. One, the victim Jennifer (Elisha Cuthbert) is really, really STUPID. She's suppose to be a Paris Hilton-type person, except with nice tits, so that explains a lot. Second thing is from the point Jennifer shows up at the bad guy's evil lair, she's just non-stop tortured in various ways.

She has sand fall on her, she has acid poured near her, she THOUGHT she killed her prized poodle, and she had to drink blood and guts, which was probably my favorite scene cause I never seen anything like that before. She meets a guy named Gary in the next room over and he too gets pounded on by the bad guy. Jennifer and Gary work together to escape and they get pretty close but the killer is always three steps ahead of them and manages to gas the shit out of them each time.

Eventually, Gary gets it on with Jennifer and the big giant twist is revealed, which I'll be revealing so if you don't want it spoiled for you, then you should just stop watching movies all together cause it was pretty obvious early on.

Gary IS the killer!!! He started off torturing Jennifer, then he put himself in "the game" as he calls it, and has his big brother (literally BIIIIIG brother: he loves it when you call him Big Poppa) fill in the killer role but all Big Brother does is drag Jen and Gary around and make them watch some film.

Here my liking this movie ended cause everything just stopped making sense. The film they were shown was suppose to be of Gary and Big Brother being forced to have sex with their mom when they were kids, then Gary killed Mom and took pictures of it, and this is where the serial killer streak started. But...who was filming this??? I mean, they acknowledge that this is a film they're watching in the room, and we see both Gary AND Big Brother, and Mom is dead so....what? Explain THAT movie.

I'm trying to keep this short cause now it's not worth writing to the internet about, so I'll just say that Gary done this before, he fell in love with all the girls they've captured, but eventually he or they killed them and they moved on. Gary is REALLY REALLY in love with Jen and wants to stay with her. Big Brother laughs at this, which gets him stabbed. Two cops show up and they get shot.

Gary pretends he killed the real killers, but after some snooping, she finds out the truth and eventually there's a chase and Jen finally kills Gary. And we do get a twist. Flashforward to a year later and now Jen is going around killing serial killers. Seriously. That's kind of a cool idea but it really didn't need to be so drawn out. They slammed it in our heads that this is what she's doing when I picked up on it when they revealed she just killed a dude who looked like a serial killer. They could've ended there and I would've gave this movie three stars. But because of the stupid "big brother" twist and the drawn out ending, I have to give this:

-Jason

1 comment:

WaywardJam said...

Nice review. I affectionately refer to this film as "Craptivity"

It started somewhat promising and degraded into one of the worst horror films of 2007. Way too nonsensical by the end.

Damn Elisha Cuthbert for being such a cutie, I'd never have watched it otherwise.